i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
