There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
