two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
