Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
