How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
