My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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