the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
