i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize