Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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