please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
