I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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