I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
kristin has been a bad kristin
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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