I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
