So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
