I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
