He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
