You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
