whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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