that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
