i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
as a side note pls kill me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize