so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
