i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
