you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize