so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
