eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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