Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
