no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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