I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
