mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
