im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
