So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
