man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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