I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize