My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
barbara walters just said penis...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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