I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
