dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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