Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
