go do what you do best...puke behind churches
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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