Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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