god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize