So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
