Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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