I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
