WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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