You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
