it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
