I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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