I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
