So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize