Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
