shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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