I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
