then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So squirting runs in the family.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
