I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
