I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i believe in u and ur pee
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