just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
