I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
