even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will pee on everything he values.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
