If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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