I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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