Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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