It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
