New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We need to get me chipped asap
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
