where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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