dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
